Pigs in blankets be in Asda car park

Well it's been a while. I shudder to think how long, and will probably sneak a peek later to see just how many days and nights have passed since I even thought of putting finger to keyboard (or should I say touchscreen these days). Thank goodness for spell check. But I daresay there will be some bits even the amazing android and Google can't decipher.
Anyway, we found ourselves sitting outside Asda eating pigs in blankets at 12 noon today. After a great gig in Elgin last night, we found the restaurant closed and so we set off home to Kirkcaldy via Asda, which Google informed me would be open from 12.
After picking up the obligatory Mel deal we found the hot food counter. Hence the sausagey (is that a word) goodness.
2018 better be good, cos I've decided to look after myself this year. Get a bit of exercise in. Put down the snacks. Nothing drastic, just a change. I left retail just before Xmas and things are a bit up in the air, so the illusion of control beckons.
Here's hoping it's not another million years til my next blog.

X
J

drag kings???

I've been having a wee look on the net for drag kings...It occurred to me that I could possibly carry off a male singer tribute, but I'm not sure which way to go with that.  Having seen the amazing Jason Porter do his Michael Buble tribute, I wonder if that would be an idea.  My voice is a natural contralto/mezzo soprano mix, so my range is quite wide.  My Elvis songs go down a treat...
"But who wants to watch a whole night of some woman singing men's songs?" I asked myself.  So onto the net I went.

It seems (http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/how-to-be-a-drag-king/) there are many drag king acts out there, but not many are showing up in Scotland.  It seems that most may be lesbians, although I understand that isn't a prerequisite.  In fact, you can even be a man, it seems!  Anything goes in the drag king world.  
Lady Gaga did it (see above) ..and some of the men's fashion houses are using women in their photoshoots. 
So what to do?  
The idea of sticking bits of hair onto my face doesn't really appeal to me - I recently dyed my hair blonde so I didn't have to wear a scratchy, hot wig for my Adele tribute.  It helps for my 80s and rock tribute too, as blonde goes with any musical style.  So cutting it isn't an option.
So do I go for a male tribute?  Or just create a show as me singing rat pack songs etc?  And what to wear?
I could put on a suit and a hat...

Suggestions & Answers to mail@joanie.co.uk

Thanks

J
www.joaniesings.co.uk

Top Quality Tribute and Cabaret Artist available! in Kirkcaldy, Fife | Venues & Nightclubs Services | Gumtree.com

Hi, Joanie here!

I have a new package of shows that I think you will be interested in. All shows come with bespoke stage set up, lighting and full PA with my own sound engineer.

Joanie sings...Adele – My stunning tribute to the wonderful Adele - you won’t see another Adele tribute like this one!
Joanie sings...the 80s – The best selection of music from the greatest decade of the 20th century
Joanie sings...ROCK – Your favourite rock anthems!

and a general cabaret show.

These shows can also be used as a mix n match package, adding up to one heck of a show! Just pick which shows you’d like together, and get in touch.

Check out my website at www.joaniesings.co.uk to see what all the fuss is about!
You can also see and hear me atwww.reverbnation.com/joaniesings

Top Quality Tribute and Cabaret Artist available! in Kirkcaldy, Fife | Venues & Nightclubs Services | Gumtree.com

The UK's No 1??!!

As a tribute artist myself ...

(ahem - Joanie sings...the 80s - Joanie sings...ROCK! - Joanie Sings...Adele)

..I find it hard to believe that everyone who says they are the 

"No1 [insert act] in the UK" 

actually is. I understand that some of these acts have been in some competition or other, in which case I agree that they should let us know how they got on.  I don't suppose saying you were voted "not bad" or came third runner up in the "I can sing an Adele song" category would get you many bookings, and I understand that we all have to market ourselves to the best of our ability, but can ALL of these people be the No 1 ANYTHING?

I don't purport to be The No 1 at anything I do.  I'm good, but I haven't been in any competitions in which another similar act was judged.  So I don't say I'm the best.  

"Ooh!" I hear you say - "says she's good! - Check her! Who does she think she is?".  

Why is it unacceptable to tell someone you are good at what you do?  And yet somehow acceptable to make up some fancy title for your act?  
I have a 50m swimming certificate I got when I was 3.  But I don't say I'm an award winning act!  
Similarly I've sung in a karaoke bar in Tenerife.  Does that make me an international singing sensation?  erm no.  I think not. (I hear that being a singer in Tenerife isn't that well paid btw, so I'll rule that out as a retirement plan.)

So how does Joe Public know who to go and see?  When faced with so many choices, and each one claiming to be the best in their field, what's a person to do?  

Well you're kinda stuck, as he who shouts loudest in this profession usually gets heard (hence the X factor/Voice/BGT shambles every year - play something enough times and it'll worm its autotuned garbage into everyone's ears til they think it's good).  This business is honestly like the Emperor's new clothes sometimes - if there's enough hype, if enough people say something is great, those who disagree will think it must be they who are wrong, and they will follow, sheep-like ("Oh aye, she's magic by the way").
So that explains why some of the singers you see out and about at your local get bookings.  You know the ones...

I'm aware I'm sounding awfy bitter here, by the way.  That's cos I am.

My face doesny fit in a lot of situations.  I'm not a "Yes woman".  I have my own mind.  I decide where and when I perform.  There are places I won't go back to as I've had the soul sucked right out of me.  There are people I won't work with or for, and you might have noticed I'm kinda opinionated.

So...should I try and be what I'm not?  Other than dressing as Adele, I would say no.  I am good at what I do, and as this year's New Year resolution went, I will neither give nor take bullshit.  And I haven't.

J

ps Joe Public can visit my website at www.joaniesings.co.uk, and also see and hear some of what I do at www.reverbnation.com/joaniesings

x

Yeah thanks a lot Charlie Brooker!

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a sci-fi fan.  A proper wibbly wobbly, timey wimey, final frontier, make it so, engage, warehouse 13, person of interest, vampire loving, werewolf hugging, ghostie kinda sci-fi fan.

But not Zombies.

No.

No way.

I believe I used to watch all your Romero movies, with shambling, discombobulated (love that word!) semi clad brain dead morons shuffling towards the screen.  I marvelled at how they ever caught anyone, travelling at what looks like 0.001mph. And why was it always shopping malls?  I know M&S have a great range of food, and if you ignore the horsemeat, so does Tesco etc.  But do they sell brain?  Well that's between them and the DNA experts.  But why a fricking shopping centre?
Ah it occurs to me that that is where the frightened people go when there are zombies about - I mean nothing says safe from Zombie brain eating death like a bunch of helium filled balloons and an empty British Home Stores eh?

Anyway, you get the point.  I pretty much lumped 'em in with the rest of your supernatural beasties (Oh I forgot to mention Supernatural - Sam and Dean...mmmm..oh and Cass) until Charlie frickin Brooker wrote a TV show called "Dead Set"

here's a wee summary...

Britain has a big problem. The dead are returning to life and attacking the living. The people they kill get up and kill – and it’s spreading like wildfire. Curiously, there are a few people left in Britain who aren’t worried about any of this – that’s because they’re the remaining contestants in Big Brother. Cocooned in the safety of the Big Brother house.....etc

All fine and well.  Until you see a screaming Patrick, the producer, being torn to pieces by some zombies.  They're not slow, they do not shamble.  They eat his intestines while he screams.  
It's givin me the boke just thinking about it again.
Even Davina McCall looked frickin scary!

So that image stays in my brain forever more now - I cannot scrub it or replace it with something else.  Now I can't even look at any film or TV programme that has Zombies in it.  I am told that The Walking Dead is a helluva show.  

I'll never see it.

Thanks a bunch Charlie Brooker...you b*stard.

educating the young in the ways of musicality

I am so happy to tell you that it seems my daughter is destined to follow in my footsteps as a talented wee muso.  She doesn't play anything as yet but has a great ear for music.And a good voice and great memory for lyrics (unlike her mum lol)
Tonight I am mostly carrying out an experiment, letting her hear as many genres of music rather than sticking her in front of the wii/3ds/tv.  She is, however, on Facebook.  I canny tie her down after all...

Here are my findings....

Stevie wonder is cool.  She spent a lot of time during "Superstition" humming the various riffs.
Jamiroquai is not cool.  She did not show any interest at all.  Perhaps she has taste after all....
Pink Floyd is a bit much for her, as she has now started a game of bejeweled blitz on Facebook. 
She likes "Smoke on the Water", but mostly know the Raving Rabbids version.  That's good enough for me."Satisfaction" by the Rolling stones is the same.  Rabbids...

I've been recording some songs for a new page for my website at www.joaniesings.co.uk (not constructed yet), and find that a lot of the songs i am recording are working their way into my daughter's subconscious, and I hear her humming them in the shower and whilst playing.

When asked what genre she preferred, I got the reply "I just like the music".

Maybe we have to give our kids the opportunity to hear all types of music, from current pop to punk and rock, and a bit of classical and jazz too.  Obviously we must look out for explicit or unacceptable language, but even then kids generally know what's acceptable language.  And what not to repeat.  
Or am I being naive?

I always thought that "the original is the best" is something associated with being an old fart, but I find myself resisting new versions of old songs. This, in itself, is a bit of a cheek, being that I sing covers of well known songs on a weekly basis...
So sometimes it doesn't do any harm to remaster or reinvent an old classic song - even throwing it into a video game can mean that a kid hears it.  Then they can find the original and explore the artist's back catalogue as quick as they can download the tunes.  

So educate your kids in more than the basics.  They are wee sponges.  Give them as wide a variety of experiences as you can while they are still young enough to listen.  Soon enough they will resist...

Anyway, my train of thought has reached its station, so there you go.  I never promised my ramblings would make sense.



xxx
Joanie

Ps but no one wants to be Rick Moranis.....and if you don't get that reference then tough....

How much promotion is too much promotion?

It occurred to me today that I may be promoting myself too much.  But then maybe not.  How much promotion is too much promotion?

I find myself without a gig this weekend.  Well my family need to eat and I have bills to pay.  But in letting people know I'm available several times I wonder if I'm not just p*ssing them off.  I know on my social networking sites there are some who are seemingly never done blowing their own trumpet, and I must admit to getting a wee bit fed up seeing the same stuff over and over.  But then is that a bad thing?  Surely if you promote something in the morning, it's sensible to repeat your promotion in the evening just in case anyone missed it?  
I must admit to being torn between the need to fill this year's diary and not wanting to be a right pain in the *rse.  Is it a case of he who shouts loudest is heard?  Or are people all like me, selecting to hide status updates from people who bug you with the same stuff time and time again.

So does being seen and heard equate to success?  by, in essence, spamming the masses are we just looking to cast a wider net to catch ourselves a gig/audience/ticket sales?

We all know the dreadful garbage that is churned out by the fat cat record producers of this world, with their so called "Stars" (dreary guys mumbling their way through a cover of a song that used to be perfectly good before the powers that be got their money stained wee paws on it, thank you very much), tunes that are so heavily marketed and promoted, being played in every shop and on every tv show until our wee brains can take no more and the masses start to believe that this garbage is the epitome of music in the 21st century.

Maybe I'm just getting too old to appreciate new music.  Like Billy Connolly said, "That's no music, that's just a noise".  Well a generation of kids are growing up aspiring to be lollipop headed autotuned media puppets.  Sad. With their orange skin, jet black hair, huge false eyelashes and stupid shoes, young women (and men) are moulded by the tv and music they experience.

May I take a second to change the attitude of the public....?  

Instead of sitting in your onesie watching some reality tv sh*t on the telly, marvelling at who said what to whom and when, seeing who is the best skater out of a bunch of minor celebrites, or seeing which trainee media puppet wins the latest "Who wants to make Simon Cowell/Andrew Lloyd-Webber rich" scheme, get yerself all washed up and dressed.  Go out to your local pub or club.  

See a live act.   

They might not be what you are used to.  But they are live!  Real reality. In full colour 3d! Why not interact with real people! If you don't like that particular act or pub, try another one next week!  It's like a soap only real!

And if you can't decide where to go, please feel free to check out www.joaniesings.co.uk and see where I'm performing.  

Didn't I say I had a diary to fill???